Text

Anonymous said: Will you come to Fargo, North Dakota and do a show? I'll pay you in beer and the best burgers in North Dakota. And don't worry, I won't put you in a woodchipper.

That sounds like some good pay, I haven’t been to North Dakota in years. Also don’t murder me please I preordered this really cool book

Text

Anonymous said: What's your favourite dinosaur? Mine is diplodocus. Also, that's my answer to what animal I would ride. Because those things were huge and herbivores. All gain, no getting eaten.

Diplodocus is dope as hell. They were so big that their vertebrae had grooves where the tendons would be because of how big it was. They were constructed like bridges, it’s awesome. 

My personal favorite dinosaur changes a lot. Iguanadon was cool because it had a weird thumb type bone so it was the only dinosaur that could give you a thumbs up which I get a big kick out of. I’ve always been into Deinonychus, the dinosaur that the velociraptor is predominately based off in pop culture. The t-rex is a classic but I’m also really into the largest sauropods just purely based off of how impressive their size is. There was also a dinosaur named Erectopus and that gets a big immature giggle from me.

Give me a few weeks, I’ll figure this out.

Text

Anonymous said: Yeah hi I'm having trouble with the sink in the "Enchantment Under the Sea" suite, can you send the repair guy up with some cow steaks please ok thank you

I’ll send Ricky up there post haste, but just a heads up he’s training the new kid, Steve, so he’ll be there too. 

Text

Anonymous said: Do you like cats?

yeah dude I do

Photo
Text

Anonymous said: I bet several hundred dollars on greece winning the world cup after you said they would, now people are coming to hurt me. Can you fix it?

Oh man the only advice I have is to go back in time and ignore any and all sports advice I give

Photo
Admittedly this one got a little real

Admittedly this one got a little real

Text

Anonymous said: You should teach these people how to be more interesting and funny: straightwhiteboystexting. tumblr. com

Some folks are beyond help

Text

Anonymous said: Kill fuck marry: Joe Biden, Flava Flav, Nic Cage

Kill flava flav because his reality show was garbage (yeah I said it) Marry Nic Cage because the guy loves comic books and has a constant stream of money and then fuck ole Diamond Joe Biden because y’all know that dude loves the weird stuff

Photo